Ageing Gracefully?
"To deny your age is to deny you've survived." - Nikki Giovanni. I have been contemplating the years that I have been a person on this planet recently. My father just had his eightieth birthday, and I know that, as quickly as time goes by, I am not that far off from mine. Certainly, that is not enough time to do all the things that I want to do or go to all the places I want to see. Oddly, I don't seem to feel any different inside than I did when I was younger. I wholeheartedly agree with the following: "Your inside person doesn't age. Your inside person is soul, is heart, in the eternal now, the ageless, the old, the young, all the ages you've ever been." - Anne Lamott. Other people like to mention that I am not young anymore from time to time, though, just to make sure that I haven't forgotten. Physically, I can no longer deny it. Ageing makes me wonder about my worth as a human, especially a female human, so naturally, I look for quotes on getting older to guide this stage of my journey. I came across some interesting advice and perspectives.
There are have people who dread it: As we age, society expects certain behaviors from us. There are behaviors we are supposed to abandon (like being silly) and new ones, generally all revolving around increased responsibilities, that we are supposed to adopt. I wonder how much of ageing pertains to being forced into a lifestyle that you would not have chosen if you felt you had the choice? "I am afraid of getting older. I am afraid of getting married. Spare me from getting married. Spare me from cooking three meals a day- spare me from the cage of routine and rote. I want to be free... I want, I want to think, to be omniscient." - Sylvia Plath.
People who love it: There are people who love getting older, people who have found meaning in their experiences and are grateful to have come this far. "I love getting older. My understanding deepens. I can see what connects. I can weave stories of experience and apply them. I can integrate the lessons. Things simply become more and more fascinating. Beauty reveals itself in thousands of forms." - Victoria Erickson.
"This word 'anti-aging' has to be struck. I am pro-aging. I want to age with intelligence and grace and dignity and verve and energy." - Janie Lee Curtis.
Ideas on how to avoid acting like you are old: "Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul." - Samuel Ullman, Youth. Deserting our ideals happens when we listen to others tell us what is right for us, when we buckle under the pressure and give up on ourselves as individuals. It is then easy to never try again to fight the system, but "You don't grow old, you get old by not growing." - unknown. All those interests that you have, you should chase those. "There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age." - Sophia Loren.
Why you might not seem your age emotionally: Part of trying not to get old is understanding why we age (or don't) in the first place. I know some people who seem to have a personal emotional default system that puts them back into a middle school or high school mentality. It even has a name- Peter Pan Syndrome (defined by Google as "an informal psychological term for individuals who avoid adult responsibilities and fear ageing, preferring a carefree, childlike state)". There are some serious reasons why people may not be able to mature emotionally. "My dad said, 'Often trauma keeps us at the age we experienced it, a lot of people are exactly the age their hurt came from.'" @WATCHERQUEEN. Acting emotionally immature is frowned upon in society, and for good reason; no one wants to pick up the responsibilities that people who do leave hanging. It's interesting, though, that we spend a lot of time, money, and energy to be perceived as younger in all other areas of our lives. A high-school body, energy level, and intellect, with a 40-year-old's responsibility load, seems to be what is wanted.
How to physically seem younger: Play like a kid. "She was always doing funny things- for a grown-up. Like running through woodland trails or climbing and jumping out of trees. Perhaps, it was because she had just a drop of fairy in her blood, that kept her wild. And free. Most of all, free." - B. Diaz.
Exercise, exercise, and more exercise. Move it or lose it. "In my 30s, I exercised to look good. In my 50s, to stay fit, In my 70s, to stay ambulatory. In my 80s, to avoid assisted living. Now, in my 90s, I'm just doing it of pure defiance." - Dick Van Dyke.
How to reverse the ageing process: Every day is a chance to begin again, maybe just a little more informed than you were yesterday. "You're not too old to start over... you're too old to keep doing what isn't working." - unknown. We all have some areas of our past that need to be fixed. It could be your diet, it could be your attitude, or it could be healing from past trauma. "Your emotional healing results in aging in reverse." - Dr. Russell Clayton. Working on what is wrong with yourself and having a breakthrough is like dropping a heavy load, and that will help you look and act younger. If you find that you have begun to act like 'an old person', boot that version of yourself out before they become 'just who you are now'. "I don't let the old man in. I keep myself busy. You have to stay active, alive, happy, strong, capable. I don't let in the old critic, hostile, envious, gossiping, full of rage and complaints, of lack of courage, which denies to itself that old age can be creative, decisive, full of light and projection." - Clint Eastwood.
How to appreciate getting older: I think that to appreciate getting older, you must have already started getting older. "Looking back, it seems to me that I was clueless until I was about fifty years old." - Nora Ephron. If you get more of what you focus on, then not giving any attention to the passing years could be the way to go. "The key to aging successfully is to pay as little attention to it as possible." - unknown. Or you could just choose not to believe in it at all. "I don't believe in age. I believe in energy, don't let age dictate what you can and cannot do." - Tao Porchon-Lynch.
Perception is everything- "We should start referring to 'age' as 'levels', so when you're level 80 it sounds more badass than just being an old person." - unknown.
"You don't become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer's Paradox." - Widdershins Smith.
Some people would tell me I need to grind harder, that somehow, if I work hard enough, I can outrun the downsides of ageing. One thing that I have learned in my advanced years is that if you are going to turn everything into a competition, you will always be losing at something, and ageing is one of those things. I love the following advice by a couple of men that I admire-
"Do not grow old, no matter how long you live. Never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born." - Albert Einstein.
"The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm." - Aldous Huxley.
Curiosity, a sense of wonder, enthusiastically doing something for the joy of the experience, not stressing out over failure or whether you are the 'best'- this is what I think is the best antidote for ageing. Does this antidote make you age gracefully? No, I think it makes you age mischievously, and I am okay with that. "Your time on Earth is limited. Don't try to "age with grace," age with mischief, audacity, and a good story to tell." - unknown. So, go forth and joyfully get yourself into a little trouble; I can guarantee that you will feel younger and a little more in control of a process that can't be stopped. 😄
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby