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# Are You Boring?
- URL: https://big-sky-baby.ghost.io/are-you-boring/
- Published: 2026-09-30T07:00:33.000Z
- Updated: 2026-09-30T07:00:32.000Z
- Author: Big Sky Baby

***"Under pressure, people admit to murder, setting fire to the village church, or robbing a bank, but never to being bores." — Elsa Maxwell***

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Never be bored, and you will never be boring." I must say that I do not entirely agree with that statement. I am never bored. There are so many things to do, so many things to think (obsess) over while doing mindless activities (like scrubbing the floor or trying to sleep), that I can't get a moment's peace. You would think that, with all that going on, I would be fun to talk to. But being bored and being boring are two different things.

I like to watch other people. I see them easily form connections over everyday interests. They pull out their phones and show each other memes and laugh. They give each other play-by-play accounts of their favorite sports teams. They talk about where they are in television series that I've never heard of, much less watched. All this conversation, but I have nothing to offer. I just smile and listen. Am I really that boring?

Several people have written their own definitions of what it means to be boring. Here are a few:

*"Bore, n. — A person who talks when you wish him to listen." — Ambrose Bierce*

*"A bore: Someone who persists in holding to his own views after we have enlightened him with ours." — Malcolm S. Forbes*

*"A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it." — Henry Ford*

From these authors, we can deduce that anyone could be considered a bore if they insist on talking about themselves and do not give us a chance to show off our own brilliance. 😄

I have found that there can be a generational component to who we find boring. I have a friend who is considerably younger than I am. She is a gamer and recently started a YouTube channel where she livestreams herself playing games with a couple of her gamer friends. I joined her channel to support her endeavor but have only watched it twice. I am not a gamer and have no desire to be one, so watching her play makes me feel like I'd rather be anywhere else. I can feel the weight of all my responsibilities and projects bearing down on me, and I am unable to enjoy the experience. She does not identify with that and would probably rather drink bleach than read this blog even once, much less weekly. I know that she would find it boring, and the experience of watching someone be bored by something you find fascinating is rather insulting.

***"We often forgive those who bore us, but we cannot forgive those whom we bore." — François de La Rochefoucauld***

I can only imagine that our modern way of life leaves us with fewer shared experiences than we once had. My sister was talking about how, back in the day, there were only three television channels to choose from, so millions of people gathered around the TV to watch many of the same news programs and nighttime shows. It gave them something to discuss, a way to connect through shared experience. Now, our media is increasingly customized to what interests us, and if those things aren't the same as someone else's, what is there to talk about?

Perhaps the greatest escape hatch from being boring is not acquiring more impressive things to talk about. It is becoming genuinely curious about the person standing in front of you. I do not have to love gaming to ask my friend why she does and listen to her explain why it means something to her. I may not acquire a love of gaming, but I can acquire an understanding of why gaming brings someone else joy.

Not knowing that you are boring someone is another problem many people have. When you have an agenda and all this information you want to share, it can be difficult to rein yourself in or change directions when you realize someone is not interested.

***"Read the room. If you haven't struck oil in five minutes, stop boring!" — George Jessel***

If no one looks interested in what you have to say, it does not mean that you are boring to everyone, just that you are probably speaking to the wrong audience. Conversely, if you are bored by someone, they are not a bad person; they are simply not someone you find fascinating.

***"It is absurd to divide people into good or bad. People are either charming or tedious." — Oscar Wilde***

Can we work on being less of a bore? We can! The opposite of being boring is being fascinating, and that is a muscle that can be exercised. To be fascinating is more than just being an interesting person who has done a bunch of things. A fascinating person makes you want to know more about them. In other words, don't bore people by telling them everything about yourself. 

Here are some of the traits that make someone fascinating:

- **Depth.** You sense there is more to the person than what you're seeing right now. They have ideas, experiences, skills, convictions, contradictions, or passions that unfold over time.
- **Curiosity.** Fascinating people are often fascinated *by things*. Someone who genuinely wants to understand art, food, history, engineering, people, language, nature—or almost anything—tends to have more interesting things to say because their mind is continually collecting connections.
- **Distinctiveness.** They don't seem interchangeable with everyone else. They have particular tastes, opinions, habits, knowledge, humor, or ways of looking at the world.
- **Engagement.** Fascination isn't created by performing for another person. People who ask thoughtful questions, listen closely, remember things, and build on what another person says can be remarkably compelling.
- **Passion.** Enthusiasm is attractive. Someone explaining an obscure subject they genuinely love can be far more captivating than someone discussing a conventionally "exciting" subject they don't care much about.
- **A little unpredictability.** Not chaos or unreliability—rather, the sense that you can't completely predict what they are going to think, notice, know, or do next.
- **Authenticity.** They aren't constantly calibrating themselves to win approval. Their interests feel genuinely theirs.
- **Perspective.** Perhaps most importantly, they make you see ordinary things differently. After talking with them, you find yourself thinking about something you hadn't considered before.

There is no one person on the planet who is going to be fascinating to everyone, which makes being fascinating something of a "find your tribe" game. You can only do that by being yourself.

***"Everyone is a bore to someone. That is unimportant. The thing to avoid is being a bore to oneself." — Gerald Brenan***

Love what you love. Be passionate. Be a nerd about something. Don't worry about trying to convert people to your side. And stay fascinated by your own life—not because you need to believe you are endlessly fascinating to everyone else, but because curiosity about your own life gives you something worth finding connections to others about. Instead of asking "Am I boring?" ask “Am I curious enough to discover what is fascinating about the person in front of me—and willing to reveal enough of myself for them to discover what is fascinating about me?”

Love and Hope,

**Big Sky Baby**