Doubts

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."- William Shakespeare. I recently bought a course on ghostwriting. For Lesson One, I am supposed to update my social media profile bio to let the world know that I am now a ghostwriter. I cannot believe how hard this task has been for me, I feel like I am trying to move against a strong current. What is wrong with me? Fear, self-doubt, impostor syndrome? "Perfectionism is the fear of being criticized." - Caroline Myss. Fear of criticism, maybe it was that? My head understands that making changes, especially hard ones, brings about growth. My heart says maybe I should just go with the flow and let everything work itself out. It is this fight against ourselves that is one of the things that brings about self-doubt, and I am in a constant battle. This has caused me to occasionally save quotes that give advice about overcoming fear and self-doubt. Here are a couple:

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." - Joseph Campbell

"Run from what's comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious." - Rumi

I also occasionally save quotes about trusting your heart:

"In the small matters trust the mind, in the large ones the heart." - Sigmund Freud

"The most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something our hearts know is a lie." - Karen Moning

And quotes that speak of the need for both:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. - Alfred Adler

"A fool with a heart and no brains is just as unhappy as a fool with brains and no heart." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

It would seem that there is no clear-cut answer to your life's questions about how you should go about making decisions. "In any given moment, we have two options: to step forward into growth, or to step back into safety. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again." - Abraham Maslow. To overcome our doubts, we must take action, whether we follow our mind or our heart. The longer that we sit on a problem, the more formidable it appears. Herein lies my downfall: putting off decisions, worrying instead of doing, living in my head, and not acting in the physical world. The result of inaction has been depression and a loss of self-confidence. This pattern has been going on for about six months, and I was unable to break free until I had a co-worker treat me badly this week.

My depression turned to anger, and anger motivated me. Not just to finish my ghostwriting lesson, but to do other chores (like cleaning the oven) that I had been avoiding. "My therapist once told me, 'Anger is the part of yourself that loves you the most. It knows when you are being mistreated, neglected, disrespected. It signals that you have to take a step out of a place that doesn't do you justice. It makes you aware that you need to leave a room, a job, a relationship, old patterns that don't work for you anymore. Learn to listen to your anger and make it your best friend. Then it'll leave.'" (Pinterest, posted by Charlene Chambers). This motivation, brought about by anger, surprised me. I had been trying to change things by being more loving, by forgiving, by believing that if I was a good person, the universe would protect me. I still believe that doing the right thing should be my default, but if it fails to have a peaceful outcome, I think that it is time to examine what feelings come up. "Your anger? It's telling you where you feel powerless. Your anxiety? It's telling you that something in your life is off balance. Your fear? It's telling you what you care about. Your apathy? It's telling you where you're overextended and burnt out. Your feelings aren't random, they are messengers. And if you want to get anywhere, you need to be able to let them speak to you, and tell you what you really need." - Brianna Wiest. Anger is a catalyst for change, and while it is often advised against using it, it can get things moving quickly.

Emotions fuel self-doubt, and these emotions are often triggered by our interactions with other people. We need people, we want to fit in somewhere, and we want to feel valuable. When we don't, we look around and start comparing ourselves to others. This is where our heart and mind stop working together and we lose ourselves. "Stress, anxiety, and depression are caused when we are living to please others." - Paulo Coelho. My advice for overcoming self-doubt is to stop living for other people and take the actions needed to improve yourself. If you need to, get mad and get moving. You have the power to take back your confidence. "May the bridges I've burnt light the way." - Dylan McKay, Beverly Hills 90210.

Love and Hope,

Big Sky Baby