How to Survive a Wreck
"Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called "the love of your fate." Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, "This is what I need." It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment- not discouragement- you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow." - Joseph Campbell. Mr. Campbell has inadvertently given us the steps to not only survive the wrecks in our lives but also how to use them to our advantage. Here are the steps -
1) Acceptance.
2) Change of perspective.
3) Take action.
4) Loving attitude.
5) Survive.
6) Learn from/grow/improve.
7) Gratitude.
Just being alive is going to guarantee that something is going to happen to you that will disrupt your peace. I will be referring to these events as 'wrecks' in this post. How happy we are in this life will be determined largely by how well we adapt and overcome these challenges. "Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it." - Charles R. Swindoll. The steps given are not experienced linearly; you can be on any one of them at any time for any number of ongoing or past events. Let's examine each one and see what they can teach us.
1) Acceptance- Some horrible things can happen to us that we are not ready to accept. They say that 'time heals all things', but I agree with the following quote- "Time doesn't heal everything, but acceptance does." - unknown. And how fast you can come to acceptance will determine how fast you can move on. There are times when things happen that leave us without any closure, someone dies suddenly, you get ghosted by someone you love, or you are the victim of a crime and the perpetrator is never caught. The feelings around the event can circulate constantly in your mind and make you feel like your life is over. You cannot just force the feelings to go away, but their power will diminish if you accept them. "It's not about getting the feeling out of the mind, or hiding it, but about experiencing it with acceptance." - Carl Rogers.
2) Perspective- "What you see and what you hear depends a great deal on where you are standing. It also depends on what sort of person you are." - C. S. Lewis. There have been many things, both scientific and philosophical, written about perspective. It is a fascinating topic, one that I will write about in more detail in the future. It can be a physical position, but also in space and time, where, if you cannot move physically, you can move mentally and emotionally. It is influenced by your upbringing, your personality, other people, and your attitude. It is how you see something. You can see yourself as a failure or a success. You can see other people as trustworthy or dangerous. You can see a life event as a wreck or an opportunity.
3) Action- within every event that happens in our lives, there are possible paths that emerge that we may take. Sometimes there are many, and sometimes just a few. It can be hard to make a decision when you really have no idea what the 'right' thing to do is. The fear of making the wrong choice can lead some people to not make one at all. This will keep them trapped, unable to move on until life forces a choice upon them. As one can never know the exact outcome of a decision, they can just try to make the best decision based on the information that they have. "There are no right decisions. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make a decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience." - Deepak Chopra.
The universe will respond to the decisions that you make, but there are times in our lives when we should not be taking action until we can think clearly. To be angry that your life has been disrupted is normal and needs some time to work through. "In anger, we should refrain from both speech and action." - Pythagoras. Sometimes you are not ready to take the next step, so be kind to yourself!
4) Loving Attitude- "We start by dissolving our attitude not by altering our outer conditions. " - Bruce Lee. Wrecks leave us with changed outer conditions. Conditions that we did not choose and often cannot do anything about. Your attitude is how you feel about something and can be positive or negative, loving or hateful. "Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure." - Bob Bitchin, Sailing Life (2006). Attitude and perspective are similar but not the same. Two people may both hold the perspective that 'life is hard', but one may accept this calmly and as an opportunity to step up, and one may be resentful and let it keep them from trying. "You can't always have a good day. But you can always face a bad day with a good attitude." - unknown. Your attitude is a good indicator of how well you will recover from your wreck. If you can choose your feelings about a situation, please choose love. It will help you accept what is, change your perspective, and guide your actions.
5) Survive- this may be the hardest part. The first four steps will increase the likelihood of your survival, but the time it takes to recover may wear you down. You may be handling the first wreck splendidly when another happens. "To live is to suffer. To survive is to find meaning in the suffering." - Friedrich Nietzsche. Finding meaning in the hard, disruptive, and sometimes tragic outcomes of events is a personal journey, and that path is yours and yours alone. How to push through is unique to each person. Some use anger and defiance. Some use acceptance and look at it as a way to discover more about themselves. Another option is to laugh it off. "Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive." - Bill Cosby. We should try to survive without damaging those around us, if at all possible. We should also try to understand that others fighting for their own survival can damage our lives, and try to forgive them if we can.
6) Learn/Grow- "When the time comes for you to change or grow, the Universe will make you feel so uncomfortable that you will eventually have no choice." - unknown. There are times when the Universe is kind about this process. It sends little signs for you to pick up on, signs that things are changing. If you refuse or fail to see them, it turns up the intensity until you do. Sometimes this is in the form of a full-blown wreck. Now it has your undivided attention, and you are forced to change, forced to deal with something unexpected. We have a choice to either take the challenge head-on or to try to avoid learning and growing from it. Resentment, victim mentality, anger, depression, and blame are all roadblocks that will keep you from moving on. "If you're serious about change, you have to go through uncomfortable situations. Stop trying to dodge the process. It's the only way to grow." -unknown. As the saying goes, "The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost.
7) Gratitude- "Blessed is the crisis that made you grow, the fall that made you look to heaven, and the problem that made you look for God." - Padre Pio of Pietrelcina. Gratitude for a wreck can come quickly or take its sweet time. It often involves quite a few of the steps listed above to find it. A change of attitude or perspective. A physical action taken or a willingness to learn from a situation. Gratitude itself will influence all the other steps. I wonder if all these steps are intertwined to the point that they will always be influencing each other. Wrecks are going to happen, but we can choose whether they ruin our lives. I hope that these ideas help if you find yourself stuck while trying to overcome yours. If you can walk away with a small win, such as a change in perspective or a more loving attitude, then you learned something. You've grown. That is how life makes us stronger- one wreck at a time.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby