Intentions

"I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." - unknown.

I am one of those people who likes to judge others based on their actions. "No matter what anyone says, no matter the excuse or explanation, whatever a person does in the end is what he intended to do all along." - Cus D'Amato. This is a harsh and unforgiving way of viewing others, even though I am inclined to accept it as gospel. This assumes perfect self-control, without accounting for human weaknesses like addictions, cognitive bias, impulsivity, laziness, fear-based behavior, or stupidity.

Is it fair to say that intentions do not count? Maybe not. Actions taken affect our reality, the physical world that we live in. We notice them because they can be seen or felt. Intentions are, for the most part, invisible (unless someone explains, and then you never know if they are being honest). Your intentions are personal and private, and they sometimes reveal your character more than your actions do.

We have all done something with good intentions that has backfired and actually caused harm. The legal system acknowledges this by differentiating between premeditated harm and accidental harm, between negligence and deliberate wrongdoing. The intention behind the harm done will often determine the severity of punishment.

"We tend to judge others by their behavior, and ourselves by our intentions." - Albert F. Schlieder. Maybe this is why most people, when asked, consider themselves 'good' people. Unfortunately, others, especially those close to us, are not magically made aware of our intentions and are judging us by our behavior. "Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior." - Dr. Gordon Neufeld. As does the rest of the world we interact with.

In relationships, if you unintentionally hurt someone and tell them you did not mean to, it explains your behavior, but does not erase the impact on their physical heart. To live wisely, we need to pair our intentions with an awareness of the impact of our actions.

Speaking of the heart, we often say intentions reside there, though neuroscience tells us they are shaped in the brain. Once intention becomes a conscious thought, your mind will grab hold of it and immediately start working on the action side. Neuroscientists have found that intention is tied to the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This is the region responsible for decision-making, goal-setting, impulse control, and planning. It is getting you ready to take the actions needed to bring about the reality of your intentions by selecting which actions will need to be taken and predicting future outcomes. Ideally, our actions should be in alignment with our intentions.

How can we help ourselves to align our actions with our intentions? You have to start somewhere, and if all you can muster is a good intention, well, that is better than nothing. "First, it is an intention. Then a behavior. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then a second nature. Then it is simply who you are." - Brendon Burchard. Although if I say that I intended to eat healthy, it somehow does not seem to show up on the scale (trust me on this). So while an intention is a nice start, if there is no action behind it, how will anyone know? "An inch of movement is better than a mile of intentions." - unknown.

Intention is a future building tool. Your intention will drive who you want to be, while your actions are a testament to who you are right now. Growth is what happens as you try to align your actions with your intentions. "Excellence is never an accident; it is the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction, skillful execution, and the vision to see obstacles as opportunities." - Author unknown (often misattributed to Aristotle). This is a process that happens as you keep trying again and again over time. "Consistency is an underappreciated form of intentional magic disguised as mundane doing." - Victoria Erickson, Edge of Wonder. We grow not by having good intentions, but by learning to bring our actions into alignment with them.

Intentional living is a popular trope in self-help circles. Living intentionally is repeatedly choosing a direction rather than just going with the flow. When you feel you are choosing your life instead of just drifting through it, your well-being will increase. Life does not suddenly become easy and pain-free by living intentionally, but it does give it meaning and purpose. "When your intention is clear, so is the way." - Alan Cohen.

Currently, intentional living looks like spending money according to priorities, saying no, designing your job, and picking your relationships. There is danger in using it to become rigid and uncompromising with your choices, which is not what I would call living free, but I am no expert in this. Just be sure that you are trying your best to align your actions with your values.

"Make it a daily habit to determine every event in your life in advance, through your thoughts. Set the Universal forces ahead of you in everything you do and everywhere you go by thinking the way you want it to go in advance. Then you are creating your life intentionally." - unknown. I now realize that having intentions is good. It is the force behind the actions that we take, but even if we never take that action, intention still means something. Intentions are your world builders and destiny maps. Your intentions may never fully materialize, but they are still shaping who you are trying to become. I hope yours brings you peace and joy.

Love and Hope,

Big Sky Baby