Judgment

Judgment. We all do it daily, but what is its purpose? Judgment is a part of living in this physical, 3-D world full of contrasts. "In 3-D we not only see opposites play out physically- hot and cold, up and down, right and left, north and south- but non-physically as well in our experience of joy and sorrow, health and illness, life and death, and good and evil." - David Ian Cowan, Navigating the Collapse of Time. Judgment can be a useful way to find your likes and dislikes, keep you from consorting with people who don't have your best interests in mind, and from wearing something hideous in public. The Merriam-Webster definition of judgment is -" the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing." That doesn't sound so bad, so why does the word carry such a negative weight?

The problem lies in the definition, as discerning and comparison have slightly different meanings. Discernment is the ability to judge something clearly and insightfully. Think of it as wise or big-picture judgment. Comparing is taking two or more things and forming opinions about their similarities and differences. Comparison is where the trouble is, as opinions are not facts. "Comparison will either make you feel inferior or superior. Neither honors God."- Craig Groeschel If you esteem yourself better than another, you can let it go to your head and develop pride and vanity. If you esteem yourself as inferior, your heart will be weighed down with jealousy or depression. Judgment can be useful for personal growth but as they say, 'the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday'. It does not seem to work out so well when we apply it to others.

Problems with judgment:

1. Judgment, either good or bad makes people uncomfortable. I was surprised to learn that something I had been taught to do my whole life (compliment others), was passing a judgment. "As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weakens and defeats you." - O Sensei Ueshiba Compliments, even sincere ones, can make other people question your motives. There is a correct way to compliment someone but it involves a few steps that we aren't used to taking. I learned about this from a YouTube channel that I like called Newel of Knowledge. Here is the link to his video titled your compliments are boring, try this instead. I find this exercise incredibly hard, so I hope it's easier for you.
2. Other people may manipulate our judgment of someone. It's human nature to make yourself look like a good person, which often means putting people you are at odds with in a bad light. "The propagandist's purpose is to make one set of people forget that certain other sets of people are human." - Aldous Huxley Our supporters will often blindly believe us and help spread the word. Once set free, no one has control over the consequences of what was said, and herein lies the problem. Our judgment of someone's character is often tainted by others' judgments and their reasons for making them.
3. Misjudgment. We do not know why people do what they do or what their motives are behind it, but we think we do. We have all had the experience of innocently saying something stupid that another person took offense to. Sometimes that person will hold animosity towards you to the grave and beyond, believing that you purposely wanted to hurt them. "We cannot see what is in the heart. We do not know motives, although we impute motives into every action we see. They may be pure while we think they are improper." - N. Eldon Tanner Or the opposite. There is also a good chance that you have been judged or have judged someone else as being a 'good' person, even though it was not true. The mistake of judging bad as good can be more dangerous to your well-being than wrongfully judging someone innocent as bad (think narcissistic spouse, corrupt politicians, lustful religious leaders). Who will people believe, you or the 'good guy'?
4. Our judgments can negatively affect the lives of people we are close to. After all, "People have a lot to say about lives they've never lived." - unknown, but somehow we think we intimately know someone because we have known them all their life. "Mary is the smart one." We often say things to loved ones to herd them in a particular direction, sure that we know what would be best for them. This happens in families and can cause divides between siblings or cousins that shouldn't be there. The judgment from parents and grandparents shapes all our lives. Mary may be brilliant, but what are you trying to force upon her with your judgment? That she has to get straight A's (stress), attend an Ivy League college (possible debt), major in something prestigious (more stress, but it gives you bragging rights), and get a high-paying job (probably more stress but at least she's 'successful')? What if she disappoints you and opens a daycare instead? And then you wonder why she never comes and sees you. We all feel judged when love and acceptance are conditional. "No one who loves can judge. For what is there to judge, when there is no desire to condemn." - Acim

What can be learned from all this? We do not have the discernment to judge correctly. Our knowledge is limited and our perspective a small sliver of the actual whole. It is probably best to remember that we are just, "Sinners judging sinners for sinning differently." - unknown. I love Ram Dass's perspective on passing judgment "When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying, 'You're too this, or I'm too this.' That judging mind comes. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are." That is the best I can strive for. Please wish me luck in my fight against my judging mind. I created a sheet with all the quotes used in this post that you can print off if you'd like. You can access it here

Love and hope,

Big Sky Baby