Just Relax
"Don't seek, don't search, don't ask, don't knock, don't demand- relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it." - Osho. Summer is traditionally a time for relaxation. Interestingly, cortisol levels, relaxation techniques, somatic exercises, and stress relief remain popular topics, meaning that we must not be achieving the desired state. I just came across a video for a 'cortisol cocktail', a non-alcoholic concoction made of ingredients meant to reduce stress in your body. Stress, and the reminders that we are under it, are everywhere. This is probably due to the many places it can build and cause you mental, emotional, and/or physical issues. Let's explore some of these:
The food you eat- "Let food be your medicine." - Hippocrates? Certain foods (usually the ones we reach for when stressed) increase cortisol levels in our bodies. Sugar, refined carbohydrates, caffeine, and fried foods have all been accused of triggering a stress response. A talking point on the internet now includes how to get rid of a "cortisol belly," with the main idea being that you must adopt a healthy lifestyle that includes getting enough rest, drinking plenty of water, exercising regularly, healing past trauma, and reducing your stressors. I am glad that there has been a scientific movement towards uncovering the causes and suggesting solutions. Now, how do we apply all this information without causing more stress?
Your appearance- whether in or out of shape, your style, the cost of your clothes, how you walk and talk, all on display for instant judgment. This can cause some people such considerable distress that they cannot enjoy human interaction at all, leading to feelings of isolation and exclusion. "Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." - Chinese Proverb. This is a societal problem as old as humanity itself. Either accept it or ignore it, but I can tell you, to fight against it is a lesson in futility. Until we can see what people are on the inside, we will continue to use our eyes to assess others and know that others are doing the same to us.
Your mind- "The intellect must not be kept at consistent tension, but diverted by pastimes... The mind must have relaxation, and will rise stronger and keener after recreation." - Seneca. I think that we forget that mental power is not infinite. Our will power and ability to make good decisions are affected by stress, lack of sleep, food and water levels, substance abuse problems, being 'triggered', and many other factors. Medication and meditation are the most prescribed remedies for learning to calm your mind, but I find that being playful, curious, and grateful are my best approaches to stressful thinking.
Work and everyday tasks- According to a 2023 Gallup poll, 52% of workers reported being stressed daily at work. There are many reasons for this, but I wonder if some of the problem lies in our approach to our jobs. What could we do differently to change our outlook? "Don't do any task in order to get it over with. Resolve to do each job in a relaxed way, with all your attention. Enjoy and be one with your work." - Thich Nhat Hanh.
In your relationships- "Relax, wild one. It's not your job to be everything everyone needs and you don't have to be impressive to be loved. Stop trying so hard. Just show up and be present, fully alive, and real with the world around you. That's enough!" - Brooke Hampton. There seems to be an almost desperate need for some of us to please people at the expense of our peace. Religious guilt, cultural expectations, 'good girl/boy syndrome, wanting to fit in, and family experiences, all cause us to exhibit behavior contrary to what we really want to do. "People who struggle to rest often aren't just "bad at relaxing"; they're unlearning a survival response. When your worth was tied to how much you did for others, slowing down felt like failure. When rest was met with guilt, productivity became a way to feel safe. What looks like a simple inability to relax is often a deeply ingrained belief that being still means being unworthy." - unknown. (Not to mention that being busy is a great distraction from self-reflection.) Giving up our life to serve others can be noble (peaceful) or it can be us trying to manipulate our environment to serve our own purposes (stress, unhappiness). If you suspect that you may be doing a great deal of work on a relationship so you can achieve a desired outcome, and the other person isn't reciprocating, then consider the following advice- "Stop being the one who always makes efforts. Relax and let the ship sink." - unknown. Do your best to be noble in your intentions and live according to your values, but learn to let go of the outcomes.
Your life- Lifehacks published a list of things you should avoid doing to keep from messing up your life. Number 8 was "Don't be concerned that your life and career aren't working out the way you planned." That advice contradicts all the goal-setting advice that we are given in the self-help industry. I think that it may be a thought that should be pursued. I have often fiercely set out to achieve a self-improvement goal, only to be blindsided by sickness, other people's decisions, unexpected expenses, life. I then feel like a loser because I did not accomplish what I set out to do. "Rather than being disheartened by the uncertainty of life, what if we accepted it and relaxed into it? What if we said, 'Yes, this is the way it is; this is what it means to be human,' and decided to sit down and enjoy the ride?" - Pema Chodron.
There is a place for goal-setting to improve your spiritual, mental, and physical self. There is a constant need to try and improve our relationship with ourselves, loved ones, hated ones, our workplace, the community, and the world in general. I have done my best to take responsibility for the trajectory of my life, and I'm not sorry that I have done so. I must admit, though, that the biggest lesson that keeps getting pounded into my consciousness is that I am not in control. "Let go. You are not to do anything to be happy. In fact, you have done too much to become unhappy. If you want to be unhappy, do too much. If you want to be happy, allow things, allow things to be. Rest, relax, and be in a letgo. Let Go is the secret of life, when you are in a let-go state, many things, millions of things, start happening. They were already happening but you were never aware."-Osho. The hardest thing you may ever do is learning to let go of outcomes and allow. I wish you peace so you may relax from your unique stressors and find joy in being human.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby