Loyalty
"I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade. but loyalty never fades." - Sylvester Stallone
What does it mean to be loyal? Loyalty is being faithful to something. It can be a person/persons, a country, a brand or business, or an ideology, religion, government, or ourselves. Loyalty makes us feel attached and inspires in us a sense of duty. It commits us to protecting that thing.
To be considered completely loyal to something, you must be able to make personal sacrifices for that thing, even when it is not easy or to your advantage. "Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice." - Woodrow Wilson. This is existential loyalty and is highly valued in an environment that is built on interdependence. It is identity-based, where the honor comes from belonging. "Loyalty is an exclusive two-way street that may've lots of bends, curves and twists, but it never forks. Undivided, unquestioned, and unquestionable loyalty is becoming unthinkable nowadays, either in personal or professional relationships. You're one of the lucky ones if you've found it. Appreciate and hold on to your loyal friends and colleagues, for they're immensely invaluable. - Deodatta V. Shenai-Khatkhate.
Contrast that with a person whose honor is bound to themselves and their reputation. Their loyalty is pragmatic, a means to an end. It is self-interest-based and more at home in environments that are independent and based on personal survival. It is often viewed as selfish by people who value existential loyalty. You can value one, or the other, or both. Loyalty can be situational. I can be completely loyal to God as I see him and pragmatically loyal to my employer. Both forms of loyalty show what I value.
This leads us to the question: who should we be loyal to? "Don't be so loyal that you betray yourself." - Dokeshi no michi. When finding what is worth being loyal to, you must first know what you value. This requires you to do some soul-searching. Many people have no idea what it is they truly value since society and other people have been coercing them since birth. Our values do not have to be the same for us to still be good people. You might be very patriotic, and your loyalty to your country of origin is a strong value, a part of who you are. Someone else might care less about the country they are from, but have fierce loyalty to their family or to their friends. "The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other." - Mario Puzo.
"In the garden of friendship, loyalty is the rarest flower." unknown.
We should never question why or condemn others for their loyalties unless we fully understand their values and the reasons behind them. Practically everyone agrees out loud that you should be loyal to a marriage partner, but for a society that is supposed to be built upon stable family life, there sure is a lot of divorce. Maybe Chris Rock was speaking a cynical truth when he said, "A man is only as faithful as his options." What about genders? Should you be loyal to those, or to the human race as a whole? "We men and women are all in the same boat, upon a stormy sea. We owe to each other a terrible and tragic loyalty."- G.K. Chesterton.
People get pretty worked up when they start talking about loyalty. "There is something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty." - unknown. It is as if, once you declare your loyalty to something, you had better not ever change your mind. "Loyalty isn't grey. It's black and white. You're either loyal completely or not loyal at all. And people have to understand this. You can't be loyal only when it serves you." - unknown.
I disagree. People change, situations change, and understanding changes. Sometimes we find out that the object that we declared undying loyalty to did not disclose the whole truth about themselves. "Life has taught me that you can't control someone's loyalty. No matter how good you are to them, doesn't mean they'll treat you the same. No matter how much they mean to you, doesn't mean they'll value you the same. Sometimes the people you love most turn out to be the people you can trust the least." - unknown. Forgive and move on.
Of course, when we change loyalties, there are many who will not understand. "If you don't know the value of loyalty, you will never understand the damage of betrayal.' - unknown. Betrayal is an interesting process. For one to be betrayed, trust must be broken. This is where we have to ask ourselves, is betrayal ever justified? That will depend on how much value you place in the concept of loyalty, and the thing to which you are swearing loyalty to. The ultimate betrayal is when we feign loyalty to something that we do not believe in. Especially when it goes against our loyalty to ourselves.
There have been some things written over the last few years about Chinese youth starting a movement called 'lying flat'. This is where they refuse to go to work. The amount of sacrifice that they were required to give a job (time is your life after all) was not worth what they were getting in return (no freedom). I have observed this phenomenon in many young people within my own country as well. "Employee loyalty begins with employer loyalty. Your employees should know that if they do the job they were hired to do with a reasonable amount of competence and efficiency, you will support them."- Harvey Mackay.
When hired by an organization, there is a certain amount of implied trust. The set-up is supposed to be interdependent; there should be some pride and honor in being part of the organization. The organization, in return, owes the people making their business work a decent working environment and compensation. If the employer breaks that trust, employees no longer owe them their loyalty. "An employer who treats their employees as mere means to an end may seem to achieve short-term gains, but in the long run, they will lose something far more valuable- the loyalty and dedication of those who make their success possible." - LiveYourBestLife.
Are we asked to choose, to be loyal to things? Yes, we are. It is tempting to "set the fence" in fear of making the wrong decision, but we cannot. It is tricky, knowing what it is that you, and only you, love enough to be loyal to. Once you know, voices outside yourself will try to convince you otherwise. Be sure to thoughtfully examine their motivations, but do not let them knock you off track. "Don't let your loyalty become slavery. If they don't appreciate what you bring to the table... let them eat alone." - unknown.
In any relationship, it might be good to ask ourselves if loyalty to each other is mutual and respectful. It is okay to be loyal to someone who would throw you under the bus if you fully understand the truth about your relationship, and being loyal is a high-value personal trait for you. Loyalty should be a conscious choice, not an obligation. Before swearing loyalty to anyone else, you should commit to being loyal to your integrity, to your word, to your values. If there is love in your heart, then your loyalties will be centered on things worth being loyal to. "Love is loyalty, and without love there are no trusts."- Boss. I hope that you find many things worth your love and that your loyalty will never be taken for granted.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby