Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a popular issue that has been discussed by psychologists and the self-help community for many years. What exactly is it, and why is it considered a problem? According to Wikipedia, "Perfectionism, in psychology, is a broad personality trait characterized by a person's concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations." How do people end up developing this condition? There are many theories- "Perfectionism is the response of anyone who's had to work to be loved." - unknown.
"After trauma, we often develop the belief that we're an inconvenience to others. We're so afraid of causing trouble with our presence that we become perfectionists and believe we don't have the right to make mistakes." - @the.trauma.educator
"Perfectionism is taught to children when they are punished for their mistakes." - unknown. Sometimes the roots can be traced back to how we were raised. Sometimes it is the society that we live in, and sometimes it is our own need to control.
"I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it." - Anne Lamott. Eat right and you'll live longer, be smart with your money and retire with enough, work out now to avoid not being able to move later. Risk is everywhere, but if you are smarter than everyone else and work hard enough to mitigate it, you will avoid most of it (until you don't).
The reasons behind being prone to a perfectionistic attitude are varied, but the outcome usually leads to the same result: "Perfectionism doesn't make you feel perfect; it makes you feel inadequate." - Maria Shriver. The feelings of inadequacy can either motivate you to push yourself harder or shut you down completely. "Perfectionism --> Procrastination --> Paralysis" - unknown. Being a perfectionist to the point of not being able to take any action is debilitating and a waste of life. It robs us of the joy of being. I believe this is caused by comparing ourselves to others and feeling that we fall short, so short that there is no sense in trying. "Comparison is the thief of joy." - unknown. Social media has helped to undermine the value we put on ourselves as people, maybe it is time for us to revolt. "In order to go on living, one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism." - Hannah Arendt.
There has been a lot of internet chatter about AI and how it will rapidly take over many types of professions. Lawyers, doctors, and psychologists are all human and make human mistakes in their practices, and let's face it, no one wants to be the mistake. We would like to get the perfect diagnosis, the perfect treatment plan, and it would be nice if it did not cost us 2 months' pay. We do not want to deal with an annoying human; bring us perfection. This puts us in a quandary, though, as living a life as a human generally means that we are making one mistake after the other from the time we are born until the day that we die. It is through making mistakes that we learn that we are not perfect, and probably never can be. This gives us empathy for others. "The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others." - Albert Schweitzer. It did not say that the purpose of life was to be perfect in all things right from the beginning. To try and to gain perfection, you must first take action, and those actions are going to include many mistakes.
For someone who wants to be any type of artist, having to be perfect takes the fun out of the creative process and makes it a stress-filled chore. Taking action is a way to get past it- "How to defeat perfectionism: Make shitty art. Do it every day." - unknown. I would add that we must also let go of " concerns regarding others' evaluations." Many a lover of the arts has stopped making art because of someone else's negative opinion. I wish that we could teach children this perspective- "I think perfection is ugly. Somewhere in the things humans make, I want scars, failure, disorder, distortion." - Yohji Yamamoto.
Who knows the imperfections of a piece of art better than the one who created it? As art imitates life, we can consider the way we choose to fix those imperfections to be a testament to our creative genius. "I have an idea that the only thing which makes it possible to regard this world we live in without disgust is the beauty which now and then men create out of the chaos. The pictures they paint, the music they compose, the books they write, and the lives they lead. Of all these, the richest in beauty is the beautiful life. That is the perfect work of art." - W. Somerset Maugham.
Perfection is sterile. Life, by contrast, is messy, honest, and beautifully flawed, and there is beauty in imperfection. The struggles, the failures, this is where we build resilience, pride in overcoming, and confidence in ourselves. Imperfection causes us to self-evaluate and hopefully accept or change without letting it depress us. "Overthinking is the biggest waste of human energy. Trust yourself, make a decision, and gain more experience. There is no such thing as perfect. You cannot think your way into perfection; just take action." - unknown. It is my hope for us all that we will not be ashamed of our lives not being perfect. That we will continue living in glorious chaos, knowing that we did the best with what we were given and that we tried to adhere to the values that we cared about the most. "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." -John Steinbeck.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby