Potential

I have been thinking about the potential for greatness we see in others lately, what it means, and why it matters. Usually, when contemplating this subject, I think of the quote "Don't fall in love with potential." - Marshall Sylver. I nod and laugh bitterly. Love interests tend to be the first people that we do this to. You can't blame yourself for this when you are young and full of hope, or old and delusional; it is a natural progression of the thought process. "No matter how attractive a person's potential may be, you have to date their reality." - Mandy Hale. This is one of life's lessons that we all get burned with at least once. It could be possible that love would not exist at all without believing in the potential of another. After all, "Love is a striking example of how little reality means to us." - Marcel Proust

Falling in love with potential runs much deeper than romantic partners. It encompasses family members, friends, and anyone in the public eye. They have something we notice: a spark of genius, a talent that comes easily, and a future full of possibility. We understand how this potential can be developed into a way to gain fans or/and make money, which in our society equals success, something we all want to be associated with. Let us take a look at some positive outcomes of being a supporter of greatness.

1. It can bring you a sense of purpose to help another see and develop their potential, not to mention make you feel good for helping someone to change their life. If no one ever did this for someone else, we would not have advanced as a species.
2. You can use the story of their struggle to become the best as an inspiration in your fight to become better. You can observe their talent in action and decide that you would also like to be good at what they are doing. My daughter has used her admiration for a K-pop idol to take up guitar, piano, lyrical dancing, and art. The guitar and art are still a part of her life, and they bring her joy.
3. Most great achievements come about because of supporters. Someone with potential will need someone they look up to, a mentor, who will help them focus on what they need to develop their talent. They will then need training partners, and a rival or two will help push them. Fans are also part of the equation, because what good is it to be the best if no one is there to admire you? Successful people who credit their success to all the people who helped them get to where they are make their supporters feel appreciated and like they were part of a great endeavor.

Next, look at some negative outcomes of supporting someone else's potential. There are some epic stories about someone seeing something great in another and then offering enough encouragement and support until they see potential become greatness. Deep breath here. If you choose to give up your entire life to prop up someone else, they do not have to care, do their best, or thank you.

In the best-case scenario, everything you believed about their greatness comes to fruition; they are eternally grateful and give you credit every time they make a speech, and you remain close for the rest of your lives. In the average scenario, you see potential and start to push (i.e., control). You pay for lessons or put them through school, sacrificing any free time you have to ensure that they can concentrate on their greatness without the burden of cleaning, shopping, or laundry. You are there for them at the expense of your friendships, family, health, hobbies, and rest. They complain or make half-hearted attempts, eventually breaking down and telling you that they are done. In the worst-case scenario, they write a tell-all exposé on how you pushed, manipulated, threatened, used, and forced them into a life they did not choose. They may even disown or sue you.

The moral of the story is to love others, recognize their potential, encourage them without sacrificing your own life, allow them to make their own choices without trying to control them, and be happy with their choices. "A person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits." - Carl Rogers

There will be times when you will become disgusted with someone not living up to their potential. "If someone is falling behind in life, you don't have to remind them. Believe me, they already know. If someone is unhealthy, they know. If someone is struggling in their relationships, with money, with self-image, they know. It's what consumes their thoughts each day. What you need to do for those who are struggling is not to reprimand, but encourage. Tell them what's good about their lives, show them the potential that you see. Love them where they are. When we can't see clearly for ourselves, we need others to speak greatness over us. People don't need you to tell them what's wrong with their lives; they already know. They need you to reassure them that they can still make it right." - Brianna Wiest. It can be very hard to control your disappointment and disgust at someone's choices and not withhold love and support. Their potential, though, is still there. Just be careful how much time and energy you choose to give up to help them live up to it.

How can one positively support potential? The problem is all about expectations; try not to have any. It is often supposed that if I support you with my time, money, and love, then you owe it to me to do well. Athletes, performers, artists, partners, and children can all get put into a contract that they did not agree to. "You must not expect anything from others. It's you, of yourself, of whom you must ask a lot. Only from oneself has one the right to ask everything and anything. This way it's up to you- your own choices- what you get from others remains a present, a gift." - Albert Schweitzer. I have always wondered how people can be called fans of a team or person when they act so unkindly after a loss, a poor performance, or when they decide to throw in the towel. The 'fan' will criticize, make fun of, cuss at, speculate on intelligence and species of origin, threaten bodily harm to, and send negative vibes to some poor soul out there trying to make the best decision for their own life. For support to be positive for both parties, the support must be for a shared vision. Not your vision forced on them, or them selfishly taking your life from you. (Note to self: this applies to marriage as well.)

What is your potential? I am guessing that it is unlimited, but only if there were also unlimited time, energy, resources, opportunities, and support. "I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." - Steven Jay Gould. You can develop your intellect, your talents, your physical strength, stamina, and flexibility, spiritual gifts, and intuition through effort. "Continuous effort- not strength or intelligence- is the key to unlocking our potential." - Winston Churchill. For effort to be sustainable, it needs to be fun, give you energy, and make you happy. Having potential for greatness doesn't mean much if you set a goal that makes you miserable. If you are pursuing something that you will be mediocre at, but it gives you a reason to happily jump out of bed every day, you are already beating half the population at life. What excites you may not be what you would be most successful at, and that applies to others that we see potential in as well. The reality for each of us is that our time here is limited. Our focus needs to be just that- ours. Yes, someone may have insane amounts of potential to excel at a talent that we desperately wish we had, but it is okay for them to focus their energy elsewhere. For potential to be realized, a person must align their inner values with their outer actions. This undertaking is difficult, so difficult that it is easier to support someone else's potential than it is to fight for your own. I hope that you will see your potential (even if that is just wanting a peaceful life) and have the courage to live up to it, even if the world disagrees.

Love and Hope,

Big Sky Baby