To Be Condemned By The Public

Consider the following quote- "When you feel any kind of curiosity, love, attractiveness, excitement, in any way, in any degree. That is an actual physical translation of the language of your higher mind speaking to you. Follow it. Act on it. Don't hesitate." - Bashar. Bashar’s advice about following your heart feels freeing, but there’s a catch. Following every feeling isn’t always wise. Especially not when that feeling pulls you toward someone who’s already taken, or into choices that harm others.

In the news recently are stories about the now-former Astronomer CEO, Andy Byron, and his HR chief, Kristin Cabot, who were filmed with their arms around each other by the kiss cam at a recent Coldplay concert. He is married but not to her, and she is divorced. The scandal has been a great source of many jokes and memes as people laugh about them being caught. Their plight is nothing new or unusual, and their behavior is condemned just as it ever has been. It makes me wonder, though, about why we humans take delight in watching others fall. The Germans even have a word for it, schadenfreude - taking pleasure in another's misfortune.

Kat Rosenfield, writing in The Free Press, explains that “public shaming has been a staple of human society since the dawn of time — a necessary correction to the social transgressors in our midst.”

But she also warns us "If there’s a truly compelling reason not to normalize shaming as a global, always-on public spectator sport" it is the following- “When we take joy in the distress and ruination of other people, we make monsters of ourselves.” (Quoted from Kaylee Holland’s July 26, 2025, Fox News article Public Shame Is Having a Moment Again.)

The term "spectator sport" implies entertainment, which also implies fun. The fun must come from the exciting feeling of being unified as a group in pursuing someone, especially if they hold some status. The virtuous feeling of moral superiority that comes from knowing that we would never do that allows us to condemn without offering a space for understanding or forgiveness. We say that they deserve what they got.

While we are out wandering, we may come across a tempting path that we could take with a forbidden someone else. The best case scenario for this situation is the following: "Sometimes two people will regard each other over a gulf too wide to ever be bridged, and know immediately what could have happened, and that it never will." - Roger Ebert. There is pain in that sacrifice and sadness that comes from all the 'what if's' that arise when we contemplate our life choices. The only cure I can come up with is "Keep moving and don't look back". How can we understand people who don't/can't do this?

Have you ever had a crush on someone? I am assuming that practically all of humanity has had a secret attraction to someone. There are people that we love from afar that know nothing about our admiration, and we would as soon die as to let anyone know. There are other ones that if they showed the least bit of interest back, we might give it a go, in secret or in a throw-all-caution-to-the-wind public display. "What is in our hearts is real whether we name it or let it exist only in darkness or silence." - Beth Revis.

A crush when you are under the age of eighteen is expected, but not accepted as kindly after that. (Although celebrities seem to be the exception. The number of women that I know who tell me that if Johnny Depp ever came to take them away, they'd leave their families in a heartbeat is really quite astonishing.) Chris Rock gave us this jaded statement: "A man is only as faithful as his options," and there is some hard truth in there for some of us.

We can get caught up in our own feelings and forget that the rest of the world does not have to understand why we have them. Other people do not know how we were raised and if we are prone to things like limerence, or that we might have 'daddy' or 'mommy' issues, or that there may have been abuse or abandonment in our past. Our inner lives are complicated, shaped by our past, our wounds, and our longings. But when those private struggles become public mistakes, the world rarely pauses to ask why. Instead, it reacts. Many people have learned this lesson the hard way. "There are some situations that will break your heart but fix your vision." - Ramxo Khan.

Does this mean that we should not comment on people who break moral rules? No, there are standards that we must hold each other accountable to so that there is order in our society. "No sin is private. It may be secret but it is not private. Sin is three-dimensional and has consequences in three directions: toward God, toward self and toward society. It alienates from God." - A.W. Tozer, A Man Of God. It is how we go about pointing out each other's flaws, the reasons behind it(attention for yourself, feelings of moral superiority?), and the place in your heart where the judgment came from (to understand or condemn?)that can also condemn us.

Do our comments about these types of situations come from a place of caring about the people involved, or are we just using them as social currency? Saying something makes people feel like they are taking action, but it does not fix the problem or explain why it happens in our society. "All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be." - Brene Brown.

There are consequences to be endured or enjoyed for each decision that is made, and I can guarantee that you will learn something about yourself and others every time you make one. While you are doing all this learning, be sure to be kind to your fellow humans and not condemn them harshly. Let go of the joy that you find in seeing others fall and be sad that they have to suffer the consequences of their choices. For the human family, there is no 'they' problem; there are only 'we' problems', and we have a long way to go before we are free of them.

Love and Hope,

Big Sky Baby