When All Hope Is Lost
"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow." - Orison Swett Marden.
Tomorrow is usually a beautiful thing, a new day, a fresh start. What happens, though, when tomorrow is dreaded? When the thought of living one more day is so depressing that it cannot be bravely faced? For some, there is no strength left, no brightness of hope, just fear that tomorrow will be the same or worse than today. “At the end of the day, all you need is hope and strength. Hope that it will get better, and strength to hold on until it does.” – unknown. I have wondered about this subject over the years. It is often put back into my mind when someone I know commits suicide or just decides to withdraw from life. I am saddened that they would have to experience this pain. I want to help, but have no clue how. The only thing that I can do is to write about it, so here we go.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." – Attributed to Buddha. Despair can fill a soul when there is something that is desperately desired, but there is no way of possessing it. Things such as friends, athleticism, beauty, intelligence, a loving family, a romantic partner, an easy life, are highly coveted but not guaranteed. Do we gracefully accept that maybe these things were not meant for us? No, we fight for the flashy, the standing ovation, worldly acclaim, and all that rot, and if we can't have that, then... life just isn't worth it.
The self-help industry and consumerism kindly help us along. [Their new marketing ploy, “This is how I got to be the most dangerous person in the room”, puts my teeth on edge. The most dangerous person in the room is the person with nothing left to lose, not someone who bought their course and learned to use AI.] I am not saying that we should not do everything in our power to improve our situation, but there are limits. "What is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."- Anna Quindlen.
A certain amount of self-love is needed to make it through tomorrow, but love of self is often hampered by the thought that we must be perfect in all things. Perfection is such a daunting task that it can be overwhelming and can lead to inaction or intense self-hatred. How does one overcome this tendency to compare and then be depressed when we find ourselves lacking?
1. Remove the focus on the things that can’t be changed and focus on things that can. "Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace." - Robert J. Sawyer.
- Or a change of perspective and look at it from a different point of view. "The real winners in life are the people who look at every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better." - Barbra Pletcher.
Sometimes people cannot muster the enthusiasm to "make it work or make it better" on their own, but they must be willing to try. And therein lies the problem: they often cannot bring themselves to try. "Aliveness happens in action." - Brendon Burchard. The longer that a person does not use their abilities, the weaker they become. Eventually, the smallest task overwhelms. The antidote is taking action, doing something to better your situation daily, until life can be lived again.
What makes us take action? As humans, we need a purpose. It is this purpose that gives us hope. "There is something inside us that longs for some calling that requires dedication and sacrifice." - David Brooks, The Second Mountain. The unfortunate thing is that no one can give another a life's purpose- but we can walk beside them while they search for it. We can encourage, help, demand, shame, and try to beat it into another, but until they find one, nothing will work. This put us all in a predicament: how much help should we give? As much as we can for as long as it takes.
Those of us who have overcome ourselves (at least for now) have a duty to others to help them see that the world can still be a nice place to be. Perhaps the situation is hopeless, but we cannot give up and leave them to their fate, for the pain of one affects us all. "To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless." - G.K. Chesterton. It is good to be alive, and it is good to try to make everything you touch better (even if that is just the bathroom sink for now). "Hold up your head! You were made for victory." - Anne Gilchrist. If we are to win, we cannot be content to win alone.
"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." - Agatha Christie. Instead of watching the world and its people fall, we must try to prevent tragedy and be there to help when it does occur. It does not matter if their pain was self-inflicted and they are reaping what they have sown; it is still pain, sometimes enough pain that they would end it all. Impossible expectations often crush hope, but it is rebuilt through small acts of purpose—and those who are still standing are called to help others find their way back to life. To truly be of help to our fellowman, we need to be healers. I can think of no greater purpose than that. "Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby