To Be Defeated
"Until death, all defeat is psychological." - attributed to Mandla The Great.
What does it mean to be defeated? To be defeated is more than just losing; it is being overcome to the point where you are no longer able to complete a goal. It is being knocked out in a boxing match or losing an election. You are done; the contest is over, and the opportunity has passed. This type of defeat is something that happens to you, an external defeat, and there can be lessons learned from it. "If you live through defeat, you're not defeated. If you are beaten but acquire wisdom, you have won. Lose yourself to improve yourself. Only when we shed all self-definition do we find who we really are." - unknown.
Abraham Lincoln suffered many defeats throughout the years before becoming president. He was defeated when he ran for the Illinois legislature as a young man. He went into business with a bad partner, failed, and spent 17 years paying off the debt. He was engaged to be married, and his fiancée died, a devastating personal tragedy. He then ran for Congress and was badly defeated. Then, he was defeated in his bid to get an appointment to the U.S. land office. He became a candidate for the U.S. Senate and was defeated again. He was a candidate for vice president in 1856 and was defeated. Two years later, he ran again for the U.S. Senate and lost once more. I am not sure about you, but I do not think that I would have the nerve to keep trying after all that. He did, though, and became one of our most beloved and famous presidents. "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke.
There is a different type of defeat, and this defeat is internal. Internal defeat is when your spirit yields. You decide, "I can't," "It's hopeless," or "There's no point in trying anymore." External and internal defeat do not always happen at the same time, as the story of Abraham Lincoln shows us. A person can be externally defeated without being internally defeated. "Defeat is a state of mind; no one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality." - Bruce Lee.
Likewise, a person can give up and be defeated without technically losing. Someone may give up on a dream before making a genuine attempt because fear, shame, or discouragement convinces them that success is impossible. "Defeat doesn't finish a man. A man is not finished when he's defeated. He's finished when he quits." - Richard M. Nixon.
Not every surrender is defeat. You may calculate the costs and decide to walk away. Suppose you realize a business idea isn't viable after careful testing. Walking away and investing your energy elsewhere may be a wise decision, not a defeat. In contrast, abandoning it simply because the first obstacle convinced you that you were incapable might feel more like defeat.
It is interesting how little confidence we have in ourselves, how we do not bet on ourselves to come out victorious, and how quickly we label people who do as arrogant or crazy. "I do not know the way to defeat others, but the way to defeat myself." - Master Yagyu Munenori. This happens partially due to our brains being wired towards negativity. It evolved to prioritize threats over rewards for survival, so we fixate on our failures and past defeats. You know all your flaws, but not everyone else's. Which leads us to one of the greatest sources of internal defeat: social comparison.
Social comparison: The real contest is not with the person standing across from you. It is with the part of yourself that keeps looking sideways instead of forward. "As soon as you concern yourself with the 'good' and 'bad' of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weakens and defeats you." - O Sensei Ueshiba. Your ability to endure defeat depends largely on believing in yourself instead of measuring yourself against everyone else.
Your attitude about failure and defeat will make the biggest difference in how you handle them. "What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first step to something better." - Bruce Lee. Once you have learned to overcome the thing that has defeated you, you can share your story and inspire others to keep trying. "Healers are spiritual warriors who have found the courage to defeat the darkness of their souls. Awakening and rising from the depths of their deepest fears, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Reborn with a wisdom and strength that creates a light that shines bright enough to help, encourage, and inspire others out of their own darkness." - Melanie Koulouris.
"If a victory is told in detail, one can no longer distinguish it from a defeat." - Jean-Paul Sartre. The difference between victory and defeat often depends less on the event itself than on where you choose to stop telling the story. Every victory costs something and is built on countless losses. A victory can start looking an awful lot like defeat because it contains many defeats. Yes, Abraham Lincoln became president, and that was a victory. That hides decades of electoral losses, business failures, depression, family tragedy, and political rejection. A victory viewed from a distance looks like success. A victory viewed up close looks like sacrifice. Our defeats, viewed over many years, sometimes become the things that give our life its greatest meaning.
The greatest victory we will ever have will not show up until our story is over. It will be the story of how something went right, something we did changed someone's life for the better, how we grew despite all odds. "Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat." - Ralph Ellison. So expect to experience defeat, because every meaningful life includes it. Over time, however, defeat need not have the final word. You can live according to your values and transform many of those defeats into victories.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby