What You Deserve
"There is no way in which a man can earn a star or deserve a sunset." - G. K. Chesterton.
There is a saying that I am sure that you've all heard and may have repeated, "You get what you deserve." There is evidence to back this up, but is it always true? If you take a good look around, you will find people who did not get what they deserved. Children are abused, old people are defrauded of their life savings, and a parent is killed in an accident: getting what you deserve falls apart when looked at closely. As Teal Swan says, "Deserving implies fairness," and despite all our efforts to prove otherwise, life is not fair.
Where did the idea of "you get what you deserve" come from? The idea is a human one used to make sense of the things that happen. It looks like this: If you are a good person, you are ensured good outcomes. If you are a bad person, then you will suffer bad consequences. These ideas are enforced by religion, our legal system, and stories that we all love.
In real life, good people get sick, have accidents, and can lose everything. Bad people can succeed, be happy, and have perfect health. This makes "getting what you deserve" an unreliable explanation for the outcomes of our lives and proves that it is not a law of reality.
Why have we continued to keep this belief alive? One reason is that it benefits our society by being morally beneficial to the population at large. People should be treated with kindness, dignity, and respect. By perpetuating this idea, we can guide behaviors to influence citizens to be good and do the right thing. This keeps people from causing trouble when they start to notice that life is not fair.
The concept of Karma gets thrown around a lot in our modern society (even by yours truly). Our version is a simplified version of its original meaning. Our version says, "If something bad/good has happened --> then you must deserve it. Originally, Karma was not an instant reward/punishment; it was a way of seeing cause and effect over the course of several lifetimes. The focus of Karma was to show how your intentions and the patterns of your behavior shaped your future. "Karma doesn't rush. It documents everything. And when it delivers, it doesn't miss." - unknown. Karma was not based on single events, which is good, because we are all bad from time to time.
Manifestation- popular manifestation advice will tell you that your thoughts attract outcomes, so if you focus on negativity, then you will have a negative experience. "Focus on the powerful, euphoric, magical, synchronistic, beautiful parts of life, and the universe will keep giving them to you." - unknown. This can be true, so you can use it to your advantage if it helps you to understand that your mindset influences your behavior and your behavior influences (not guarantees) your opportunities.
If the idea of manifestation is taken too far, it is a critical and harsh judgment that says, "if something bad happens, you caused it". Problems arise when we blame victims for things that other people caused, or in telling them that they "called" their health issues on themselves. Making people feel accountable for things beyond their control is cruel and can damage them for life.
"I was a very lonely child, and it's funny, but the first word that comes to my head is 'starved'. I felt starved of affection, starved of love, and I felt that it wasn't OK to ask for it. Maybe there was a sense that if I deserved it, it would be there. There must be something I'd done which meant I didn't deserve it." - Carol Lee, To Die For.
What is it that we actually deserve? It depends on what you are focusing on. If you think that other people or life in general owes you anything (that life should be fair), you will find that you do not deserve as much as you'd like. If your focus is on something you can control, you increase your chances of getting what you hope for, but even then, nothing is guaranteed.
Coco Chanel observed: "Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes the face you have at thirty. But at fifty you get the face you deserve." - Coco Chanel. You had no control over nature, you had little control over life experiences, but your thoughts and habits over 50 years were within your control.
I see many online posts that encourage us to only be in the presence of those who treat us in the way that we think we deserve to be treated. On the surface, this looks like sound advice, but how practical is it? There are people that you may not be able to get away from, so what will you do then? "People give you what they are, not what you deserve. What you deserve, you give yourself." - unknown. This is the answer. We must cultivate our own creed for living. We must know deep within that we are worthy and hold onto that despite what "proof" there is to the contrary coming at us from the outside world.
"All I know is that I've wasted all these years looking for something, a sort of trophy I'd get only if I really, really did enough to deserve it. But I don't want it anymore, I want something else now, something warm and sheltering, something I can turn to regardless of what I do, regardless of who I become. Something that will just be there, always, like tomorrow's sky." - Secret History. That something is you, regardless of what the world gives or withholds.
We say people deserve kindness, freedom, and happiness, but the world does not guarantee any of these. This is why we must consciously create them, both in how we live, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby