Your Relationship with Consistency
"The rarest of all human qualities is consistency." - Jeremy Bentham.
I have been accused (more than once) of not being able to stick with anything. I find this assessment to be accurate only part of the time (take this blog for example, over 70 weeks in a row and still going strong!). I would not let it bother me, but sometimes, it sounds like a criticism of my character. "The signature of mediocrity is not an unwillingness to change. The signature of mediocrity is chronic inconsistency." - Jim Collins. I certainly do not mind change, but sometimes, whilst in the middle of one, I change my mind. I tend to stick with things that I like and discard those I don't, and I'm okay with that 😄.
Why is it hard to be consistent? First of all, you are being sabotaged by your brain. Your brain's main job is to keep you alive while using as little energy as possible. It doesn't want you dead, but it doesn't want you to work too hard either. It likes routine tasks that it can do habitually every day, but it does not care whether those things that you are doing are in your best interest. The reason that it likes habits so much is that the things that we consistently do free it from having to make thousands of decisions. Our frequently repeated behaviors strengthen our neural pathways. "Consistency is an underappreciated form of intentional magic disguised as a mundane doing." - Victoria Erickson, Edge of Wonder.
These frequently used pathways become smooth, wide, and easy to travel. Trying to change course is like bushwhacking through a jungle– lots of effort for each small step ahead and not a lot of immediate payoff. Over time, moving forward consistently becomes easier because the new path becomes more familiar and requires less conscious effort. "Small disciplines repeated with consistency every day lead to great achievements." - John Maxwell.
I am not the only one who has problems with consistency. The process that most self-help books teach is: First, set a goal. Second, identify the steps you must take to get there. Third, consistently complete the steps. Finally, achieve what you set out to do. "Hard work without consistency will lead you nowhere." - unknown.
Setting the goal and finding the steps to get there is a relatively easy process. The issue seems to be with our ability to consistently follow the steps. "Small daily improvements over time lead to stunning results. Why? Because consistency is the mother of mastery. And incremental improvements are the father of exceptionalism." - attributed to Robin Sharma. There are two types of consistency: the one you traditionally use to build a habit by repeating the same behavior over and over, but this type tends to feel impossible when illness, emergencies, and life events throw you off your schedule.
The other type of consistency means sticking to your values even when you cannot apply the actions. Sticking to your values is something I write frequently about. How do you gain an understanding of what it is that you value? You must examine the evidence. Look at your actions and where you are spending your time. "The rule of 100: If you spend 100 hours a year in any discipline (which is only 18 minutes a day), you'll be better than 95% of the world in that discipline. Consistency is everything." - Jade Bonacolta.
Your habitual behavior over time reveals what you consistently prioritize. Does that mean that what you are prioritizing is what you value most? Not always. Here is an example: Someone says, "Family is the most important thing in my life." They do an honest assessment of where they are spending their time and discover that they spend:
- 60 hours of work,
- 20 hours scrolling social media,
- 5 hours watching television,
- and almost no intentional time with their family.
This does not mean they do not value their family, but it does show what they consistently prioritize. The observable behaviors are habits that they adopted that may or may not be in alignment with their values (remember, your brain is designed to conserve energy).
This exercise shows what your operational priorities are (things such as convenience, comfort, recognition, or security). People are often unaware that they are living in alignment with these values daily, preferring to identify with their more noble declared values, such as family.
Before you begin to feel guilty about where you are consistently spending your time, you need to explore whether your habits are the coping mechanisms you are using to regulate all the unpleasant things life throws your way. Anxiety, sadness, loneliness, or exhaustion can lead you to forget your values in favor of temporary relief. Someone who overeats while under stress probably does not value overeating.
Forgive yourself and try to discover the human need that your habits are trying to meet. The habit might be self-destructive, but it contains clues to what is missing. Maybe you lack a purpose, need companionship, or need healing. Habits are clues, but they are not your destiny. They do not show what you are capable of.
Your values are important pieces of information. From those values, you create systems for living that you consistently act out every day. Expect that life will interrupt every system that you build, but every time you get knocked off course, reorient towards your values and get back on track. Over time, this consistency becomes your habit. Since these habits are aligned with your values, your desired destination will be the natural byproduct of how you live. Not a forced, artificial goal, but a life well lived.
Your values are your true north. The systems you set up and act out every day build the road. Consistency is you choosing to stay on the road even when the weather changes. Consistency is a relationship that develops over time between your actions and your values. We become just by doing just acts, courageous by doing courageous acts, and generous by practicing generosity. These actions become habits, and habits become our character, and our character shows what it is we value. Values → Systems → Consistency → Habits → Character → Outcomes.
"Your entire life will change when you realize that anything above zero compounds. Showing up consistently matters more than showing up perfectly. Small things become big things. Never allow optimal to get in the way of beneficial." - unknown. Nurture your values through the things you think, do, and say, and ...one day you will no longer have to try to live up to them; they will have become part of who you are. If you want to be successful, be consistent.
Love and Hope,
Big Sky Baby